Arrr! Behold my extreme tough-guy-ness!

Mom told me all of these random Bill quotes the other day. I wasn't even at the event where he said them all, but they're so funny that I have to post them here.

QUOTE 1:
Random person: Hey, there's the bank!

Bill: OH! Me and my friend robbed the bank once. We nearly got caught, and on the way out, a cop shot my left kidney, I thought I was gonna die.

QUOTE 2:
Random person: I love rabbits.

Bill: Me and my friends fed a rabbit some dynamite once. Then we let it loose into the woods. A few minutes later, we heard BOOM. That was good times.

QUOTE 3:
Random person: What's the point of strip clubs?

Bill: I stopped going to the strip club when I was 15. My friends and me sneaked in all the time when we were like 12. And we used to go to Hooters all the time. Then later, I was like, pfft it's just naked women, I'd rather go home and watch porn.

QUOTE 4:
Mike: I went to see Ring 2 with Shannon last week.

Bill: Me and my friend used to sneak into theatres, I remember one time one of my friends got caught, and I had to beat the shit out of the attendant to escape.

Mike: Great. Ring 2 was okay, better than the first.

Bill: Have you ever spent 24 hours in a car trunk before? I have!

QUOTE 5:
Kazu: I wanna try snowboarding.

Bill: One time I flew off the mountain, and on the way down my goggles cracked from a rock, and the glass cut into this part under my left eye. And I was like "Shit! My $300 goggles!"


Ahh, good ol' Bill.